better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
