please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
