if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
