The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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