Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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