I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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