Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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