Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
