I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
