so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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