You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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