I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
