i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
