how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
