She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
