Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize