no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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