I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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