Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
