I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
