Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
