So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
