I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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