If i come over, it means nothing
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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