separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
