Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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