In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
