i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
