My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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