hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
