It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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