I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
