i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
