I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
