can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
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After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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