shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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