i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
