btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
