Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
