Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
