mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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