Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize