Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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