if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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