Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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