hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
