It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
