this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
