I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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