I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i believe in u and ur pee
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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