How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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