So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
