The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
