Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
