Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
