Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
