Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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