So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
