I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
