god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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