Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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