Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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